I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
