Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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