he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
