i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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