dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
