so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
