Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
