Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
