dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize