On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
