Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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