We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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