dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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