I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
