I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize