Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
