Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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