the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
