it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
