i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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