You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
operation harelip BJ is a go
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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