Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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