I just saw a hot homeless man
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
