You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
