My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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