bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
