That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
