Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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