Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
