while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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