College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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