i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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