this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
