New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
