Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize