I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
