Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
