her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
