Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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