I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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