i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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