please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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