omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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