My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
