my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
