Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
