I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
