I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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