You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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