I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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