Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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