When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
