you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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