You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
