I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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