I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
