Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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