i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
