Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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