I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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