best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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