I'm really into asian looking animals
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
