her vagine was all disorganized.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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