Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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