taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
