My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
