Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
